The Most Useless Recipe Ever


Curious what wheat gluten actually looks like? No? Me either. But for some reason my paleo hubby was, so he took a bag of wheat flour and turned it into gluten…

Y’know I’ve had my share of kitchen disasters in the past, but I guarantee the sticky rubbery blob of gluten he ended up with is the absolute grossest thing to ever come out of my kitchen.

You really don’t want to try this yourself…just reading along with the recipe below is as close as you want to get to this one.

That said, this little demonstration was an eye-opener for me. Before going paleo, I’d spent my whole life chowing down on gluten-rich food from pastas to pizzas.

I’m kind of regretting that now.

Just poking my finger at this glob of disgusting wheat glue told me I’d made the right choice switching to the paleo lifestyle which of course forbids any and everything containing gluten. Now I know why. 

I could see for myself just how gummed up my digestive system could become with this stuff. No wonder so many people are vulnerable to gluten sensitivity or worse, celiac disease. (For more gluten info see my previous post: “Gluten – A Sticky Problem for Many.”)

By the way, the wire mesh strainer you see pictured below had to be trashed after this little experiment – it was too clogged up with hardened gluten to ever get clean. What does that tell you?

No matter how you look at it, gluten is a recipe for disaster.

I hope you’ll do your body a favor and get rid of the cultivated superglue and stick with Paleo Newbie instead.

We’ll keep those gluten-free recipes coming 🙂


How To Make Gluten:



Start with a sack of wheat flour (preferably the “healthy” whole wheat flour). Measure out about 4 cups – that’s more than enough to make a nice sized blob of gluten to impress your friends. Use the whole bag if you want to set a fence post or need to fill a small pothole.



Next add about 2 cups of cool water. For larger blobs, add one part water to two parts flour.



Knead into a dough ball that holds its shape. At this point you may be tempted to make a pizza. Please don’t. Just leave the ball in the mixing bowl and fill it up with water. Soak for at least 20 minutes. (This will start to dissolve the starches in the flour.)



Next place the soggy dough ball in a colander – don’t even think about using a wire mesh strainer like the one pictured above (see post) – turn on the cold water and rinse, squeeze, and repeat. Many, many times. You want to get as much of the starch and bran out as you can.



Finally! You’ve made a perfect little blob of sticky, almost pure gluten. If any of you remember Silly Putty, this is not it. Don’t give it to your kids to play with. Instead I suggest a beautiful plating garnished with a little parsley or cilantro. Then snap an Instagram pic to send to your friends inviting them over for dinner. (You’ll find out who your real friends are!)

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